I am not a journaler.... Despite many attempts at paper journals, and this online one. I  have come to the conclusion that I not good with this stuff. But recent events in my life, have lead me to the conclusion that I need an outlet and I need to share with people some of things I face. I am doing this, not to become a topic of idol gossip but to allow people to be in prayer and to be of support to me. It has taken me a while to come face to face with this and I am really putting my self out here and taking a risk. I share not because I want pity or I want to be babied, but because I hope that God can redeem these circumstances in my life and use them to help others and maybe me in the process.

That being said, this entry is being dedicated to new beginnings and the largest risk and hardest I have ever had to do....

Beginnings.....

Some of my close friends in the Army world are aware of my health struggles and many are not.  Five years ago I was diagnosed with chronic myelogenous leukemia. I had just turned 31, was en enjoying my ministry, ready to take on the world when cancer came thrashing through my door. I was not ready for the new reality into what I was about to enter. If anyone knows me they know that I am not one who gets sick. Aside from minor things like an occasional cold or headache, I am not one prone to illness. Pain was and is something that I just either rode out or worked out. This threw me for an absolute loop. I was now pushed into a world that no one should have to face. Many people rallied around me during the early days, and were of a great and tremendous support to me. It got me through the initial few months until I found my feet, planted them and started  to deal with these things head on.

I am a very private person by nature, so I never really share what goes on in my life than with a select few. Why? A lot of it come from fear. After my intail diagnoses, I found that people treated me different because of my illness, many people did not know how to deal with things,nor what to say so they said nothing. Others wanted to fix the situation I was in and went the other extreme. I found it much easier just not to share, mainly because I didn't wanted to be treated different, I did not want to be defined by my disease or limited because of my disease. I just wanted to overcome. I have been taught my whole life, to be a strong independent women, and although that has gotten me through many rough patches in my life, it has also at times been very lonely as I travel this wave known as cancer.

Now I am at a crossroads in my life. I have been battling cancer for 5 years now, and will continue to battle this for the rest of my life as there is no cure. I am in remission and holding steady. I recently was appointed in charge of my own corps and have found this to be both a challenge and a blessing. I am realizing, (it takes me a while to learn these lessons) that I need to ask for help, I need to let go of the that strong independent women and become a strong interdependent women that allows others to be in her life, and allow them to be of a support and encouragement. I need that if I am to be the best person I can be. I am learning that I can do all things in God's strength as well as others.

Early in this cancer journey, I would pray that God would heal me, that he would take it away. I still pray for that, I pray for a complete healing from this. I don't know when that healing will come. It may come this side of heaven or it may come when I reach heaven but now my prayer is, "Lord, allow what I have experienced and gone through to be a catalyst that may help others come to know you." "Let me be a light for another person who may one day traveling this very road that I now journey on."

I have been there, I have faced hearing the worst possible news you would want to hear but I have come out stronger for it, with a new appreciation for life and the amazing God that I serve.

Well, I should close for now, this has been a long post, after a long absence. But its time that I shared with others this journey I have been on, maybe it will just help someone who may be facing difficult circumstances at this time. It is my other hope that it will encourage others to not be afraid to help someone who may be facing cancer, to rally around them and support them just by being there. Sometimes the best words that are spoken are not words at all but a comforting presence in a dark time.

Well, it has been a few weeks since i updated. Things have been going well. My fndraiser went very well and so did the Renissance night that I planned. We had a blast doing both of them.

I am having some other things that I am dealing with and I am asking for prayer. Don't want to get into detailsbut just simply ask that you would pray for me.

Untill later